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Rutherford B. Hayes Was a Sexy Beast

July 28, 2013

Hayes in His 20s Courtesy of Ari Hoogenboom in Rutherford B. Hayes Warrior and PresidentThat’s right. This is the internet’s first blog post dedicated entirely to the hot-boddedness of the 19th President of the United States. I submit to you this photo of Rutherford Bee-have, obviously the delicious specimen in the left of the picture. Our smokin’ hero was at Kenyon College in Ohio where he was trying to make his mother proud and stay out of trouble. But with eyes like that, altercations of the female persuasion probably followed him around.

Hayes_Civil_War Courtesy of WikipediaHayes was a war hero, too. Here’s a picture of him rocking a Union uniform. They pretty much wouldn’t let you into the Army if you didn’t have a beard. Hayes grew one and covered up that chiseled chin, which the Army probably realized was a liability and would have drawn too much attention in a firefight. The badass Hayes was still injured five times.

Get your hands off him. He was married. In his journal (yeah, that’s right, he kept a journal), Hayes wrote about Lucy Webb, the woman who became his wife of thirty-seven years. He wrote, “Must keep a guard on my susceptibles, or I shall be in beyond my depth.” Rutherford and Lucy had eight children.

Portrait of President Rutherford B. Hayes. ca 1876, from the Olin Levi Warner papers - Image Gallery | Archi Courtesy of www.aaa.si.eduR.B. Sexy went on to rock every reflection he found himself in. He also became a Congressman and Governor from Ohio, his home state. Here’s an 1876 photo of Hayes just before he was elected President, the only President wounded in action during the Civil War. Don’t be fooled by the receding hairline (a sign of intelligence amongst all the beauty) or the fullness of Hayes’ form beneath the jacket. He needed the extra room in his clothing to conceal the ninja stars he used to protect his family and the Constitution of the United States.

UPDATE: Neha Chaudhary-Kamdar at http://stuffmyboyfriendtellsme.wordpress.com blogs that nose-doppelganger Owen Wilson would be perfect as Action Rutherford (scroll down in her post for the picture).

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