Pandemic Christmas Recipe – BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington

Use what you got.

This recipe for BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington has been in my family since March 2020, so a thousand years.

Ingredients

1 Bubba Burger
Some cheese
Just the right amount of BBQ sauce
Too much bacon
Enough pre-made puff pastry to wrap up everything
Egg wash

Directions

• Prepare ahead: Defrost the Bubba Burger. The packaging says not to defrost burgers before cooking, but those instructions did not anticipate pandemic substitutions. 
• Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees F (probably). 
• Cook the bacon for a minute or two on each side. It needs to be soft but a little cooked (probably). And it can’t hurt to cook off some of the fat, especially if you have leftover Piecaken from your partner’s birthday to eat later. Pat dry the half-cooked bacon. Do something fancy with the bacon if you are so inclined. You cooked a few pieces, right? Interweave them like something you saw on a tv show once if you want. There should be enough bacon so it can wrap the entire burger. If you think that’s too much bacon, you can just use one piece. But really, use four. Cuz 2020. 
• Unroll the puff pastry. You need enough to completely wrap this amazing creation and pinch closed the edges. Save some time by putting the puff pastry directly onto the cooking sheet. That’s going to be messy (probably), but that’s the way my ancestors did it.  
• Set the fancy bacon weave on top of the puff pastry. Put some BBQ sauce and cheese on top of the bacon then set the defrosted Bubba Burger on top of that. The Bubba Burger just fell apart, didn’t it? Guess that’s why you aren’t supposed to defrost it, but it will (probably) never cook if it goes into the oven frozen. Wrap the rest of the burger in the bacon. Add more BBQ sauce and cheese. Wrap the puff pastry around it all. Pinch the edges of the puff pastry together. 
• Here’s the tricky part — to egg wash or not to egg wash? It’s just a single BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington because you’re an ovo-lacto vegetarian, and this is for your partner’s Christmas lunch. (You aren’t going to eat this! You’re having ravioli.) An egg wash takes a whole egg, but only a little bit of it. Seems like a waste, doesn’t it? You already had an egg today, and if you eat too much protein you feel queasy. Go back and prepare an additional BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington. There, that’s better. Nothing wasted. Brush the two pastries with all the egg wash.
• Bake for 25-35 minutes (probably). Keep a close eye on how it’s doing. Adjust everything as necessary.
• (Watch your partner) Eat the BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Wellington!
• Enjoy their delight! 

Stay safe out there.

Update: This is what the finished product looked like before it was demolished. That’s a 10-inch plate. That BBQ bacon cheeseburger Wellington with the puff pastry all over it was HUGE.